SERMON SERIES · TO BECOME ONE

Mutual Service in Marriage

Every couple wants their marriage to thrive. Almost no one is told what it actually takes. This message walks through seven practical ways the Bible asks both spouses to serve each other.

Next to Christ, my spouse is my greatest commitment. Therefore I will serve them selflessly and unconditionally.

WHAT THIS SERMON IS ABOUT

What It Actually Takes for a Marriage to Thrive

Most couples want their marriage to thrive. Few have ever been handed a clear, biblical answer for how that happens. This message gives you one. Valor Church is an expository, Bible-teaching church in northwest Arvada, Colorado, serving Westminster, Broomfield, Five Parks, and Candelas. Sundays at 10am at Excel Academy, 11500 W 84th Ave.

Jesus told his disciples in Matthew 20:26 that whoever wants to be great must become a servant. Paul writes in Philippians 2 that Christ did not cling to his rights but emptied himself for our sake. Marriage is where that pattern gets pressed into daily life. The big idea: next to Christ, your spouse is your greatest commitment, so you serve them selflessly and unconditionally.

The sermon walks through seven mutual ways every spouse is called to serve. Purity. Surrendering preferences. Forbearance. Listening. Intimacy. Verbal affirmation. Public honor. Each one is rooted in a specific text and explained with real-life application, not vague sentiment.

If you are stuck in a cycle where you do not feel loved so you do not show respect, or you do not feel respected so you do not show love, somebody has to break the cycle. The gospel says Christ broke it first. He served us before we ever served him. That is the fuel for serving your spouse, even on the days they have not earned it.

A new church plant in NW Arvada.

Sundays at 10a at Excel Academy. Expository preaching, real community, a clear next step.

PLAN YOUR VISIT

A 7-DAY DEVOTIONAL

Go deeper with this message all week.

Seven days of Scripture, reflection, and prayer drawn from this sermon. One a day. Read it in five minutes. Carry it the rest of the day.

DAY 1

Greatness Looks Like Service

Matthew 20:26

Jesus flipped the definition of greatness. Whoever wants to be great must serve. In marriage, this is the daily test. The great spouse is not the one being served. It is the one looking for ways to serve.

Prayer
Lord, kill my appetite to be served and grow my appetite to serve.

DAY 2

Get the Order Right

Matthew 22:37-39

If you are married, the order is God, then marriage, then children, then everything else. When kids get bumped above your spouse, the marriage erodes quietly. When career gets bumped above your family, God is not actually first either. Order matters.

Prayer
Lord, expose anywhere I have rearranged your order, and give me courage to put it back.

DAY 3

Purity Is a Daily Fight

Hebrews 13:4

Adultery is almost never sudden. It is a slow drift of unguarded eyes, unguarded thoughts, and unrepented patterns. Purity is how you serve your spouse before they ever know it is happening.

Prayer
Lord, give me clean hands, a clean heart, and the humility to ask for help today.

DAY 4

Surrender Your Preferences

Philippians 2:3-4

Paul says count the other person more significant than yourself. In marriage that starts with bathroom curtains and ends with the move to a city you would not have chosen. The cross is the pattern. Christ set aside his glory for our sake.

Prayer
Lord, make me quick to lay down my preferences for the good of my spouse.

DAY 5

Bear With Each Other

1 Corinthians 13:7

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Forbearance is the vow that says I am still here when you are the man down. In sickness. In unemployment. In depression. I am in this with you.

Prayer
Lord, give me patience that does not run out when my spouse needs me most.

DAY 6

Listen Like It Matters

James 1:19

Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Hearing is background noise. Listening is dialing in. Ask better questions. What is the hardest part of that for you? What do you mean by that? How can I help with this?

Prayer
Lord, make me a person whose spouse feels truly heard.

DAY 7

Speak Life Out Loud

Song of Solomon 1:15-16

Your words can wound your spouse, and they can build them up. Pick the second one. If you do not speak words of affirmation into your spouse, the odds are high no one else will. You are the person God put in their life to breathe life through words.

Prayer
Lord, let only what builds my spouse up come out of my mouth today.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

For your small group, family, or personal reflection.

If you had to grade your marriage honestly today on a thriving scale, where would you put it, and why?
Where is the order of God, marriage, children, everything else out of place in your actual schedule and energy?
Of the seven mutual ways to serve (purity, surrendering preferences, forbearance, listening, intimacy, verbal affirmation, public honor), which one is your strongest and which one is your weakest?
Where in your life is purity drifting before it ever shows up as a crisis, and who could help you fight it?
When was the last time you surrendered a real preference, not a trivial one, for the good of your marriage?
If you are stuck in a love-and-respect cycle, are you willing to be the one who breaks it first, even if your spouse does not move?
What is one specific verbal affirmation you could give your spouse this week that they have not heard from you in a long time?

Want to work through these with others? Small groups at Valor meet throughout the week. Find a Group

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Questions people search for. Here are honest answers.

What are the characteristics of a biblically-based church?

Expository preaching that lets the Bible set the agenda, qualified elders, clear gospel teaching, baptism and the Lord’s Supper practiced as Christ taught, real community, and a clear path to grow over a lifetime. Valor is an expository, Bible-teaching church in northwest Arvada, Colorado. Plan your visit and see what that actually looks like on a Sunday.

How to know if a church is a good church?

Look for a church that preaches the Bible plainly, will not soften hard truths to be palatable, has a plurality of qualified elders, and treats marriage and family the way the Bible does rather than the way the culture does. Valor preaches through whole books of the Bible and teaches marriage, parenting, and singleness straight from the text.

Find churches near me with a strong emphasis on biblical teaching

If you are in northwest Arvada, Westminster, Broomfield, Five Parks, or Candelas, Valor Church meets Sundays at 10am at Excel Academy, 11500 W 84th Ave. We are expository and verse by verse most of the year, with occasional topical series like this one on marriage. Plan your visit.

How do I find a local church to help me become a Christian?

Find a church that explains the gospel clearly every week and where the people will sit with you in your questions instead of rushing you through them. If you are exploring faith or trying to figure out what it means to follow Jesus, we would love to walk with you. Talk with a pastor or come this Sunday.

How can I find a church with solid children’s biblical education programs?

A good kids ministry teaches the Bible plainly, partners with parents, and treats children as future disciples rather than entertainment customers. Valor Kids runs every Sunday at 10am with age-graded teaching from Scripture. Come visit and meet the team.

GOT QUESTIONS?

Talk with a pastor.

Whether you are wrestling with what you just watched or with what life is throwing at you. A pastor will reach out within 48 hours.

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JOIN US SUNDAY

Sundays at 10a in NW Arvada.

Excel Academy, 11500 W 84th Ave. Come as you are. A friendly face will save you a seat.

PLAN YOUR VISIT